Help! I seem to be stuck in a badly written novel! Can no one save me from predictability?

Foiled Again

"Once," he said, "I would have helped you. But now, you see, I have been put under a curse by the witch born of an eagle and a lion. She warned me about you, she said you would be the only one able to break it. And I don't want to give up the gift she gave me."

Come Wander With Me

We went wandering, the three of us, in the dark. We soon became four, and then quickly six.
We went wandering, the six of us, in the dark. But then became five when we went past the gypsies and their dancing girls.
We went wandering, the five of us, in the dark. But we became four when we passed a warm fire surrounded by people singing and talking.
We went wandering, the four of us, in the dark. But then we became three again when it was found that there were zombies and velociraptors and clowns and ninjas and all manner of things in hiding.
We went wandering, the three of us, in the dark. We soon became two, when one stayed with the fourth that we had found again, in front of the fire.
We went wandering, the two of us, in the dark. But we separated and each soon became one.
I went wandering, alone, in the dark. I gathered two who were by themselves, not in front of a fire or light.
We went wandering, the three of us, in the dark...

Off

I'm off to war. Those darned Normans are causing trouble again. And we can't be having with that now, can we?
Wish me luck, I'll see you in a few days.

Pretend this post happened yesterday and plan your life accordingly

Does anyone have a hot air balloon I can borrow? I need to go Tenochtitlan to find the priest at the top of the mound. He has something for me and I want to find out what it is.

Summing Up

Can you sum up a life? Can you write an equation for a personality? Equate who you are and what you've done in one elegant stream of numbers and symbols? Can you put a childhood in brackets, apply a function to adulthood? Can you add everything up and divide it by zero? Will you show me how?

Indiana

She stopped me on the street.
"Go to Nepal," She said, "at the base of Sagarmatha you will find a man that wants cinnamon tostadas. Give yours to him and he will give you what you need to finish your quest."
"You must be mistaken." I said. "I'm not on a quest."
"Yes you are," she said, waggling her finger at me. "And when you see Indiana Jones, don't tell him the end of the movie, it will only ruin it for everyone watching."
What choice did I have?

your lips make the sweetest wine

"I wonder if I sew better when I'm tipsy," she said.
"Let's find out," I replied, pouring the wine for her.
Together we made the most fantastic dresses, all slightly crooked, all wonderful and strange and new and different. I'd like to drink wine with you someday, like to find out what we can make together when our minds are unconcerned by perfection.

pink, purple, blue

There was a girl who wanted for nothing more than to drift away on a dandelion seed. She became a botanist, breeding larger and larger dandelions, but alas, physics wouldn't let her float as she wanted to.
So she waits. And waits. And waits until someone can make her small enough to cling to the unmodified dandelion seeds and be carried away on a breeze.

spinning a tale

I spun a tale today. I spun it fine and tight. When I finished, I wound it into a loose hank and dyed it. It came out all pinks and blues and purples (it was a bitter-sweet story, you see). I wove some cloth from it, and made from that a cloak so fine it will keep me warm on lonely nights for many years to come.
Some day I'll spin a tale for you, too.